it's weird that my first attempt to truly write for myself would be published.
published is a strong word for this.
i am avoiding my homework. i will not use the word procrastinate, because
i showered and left the house and am at the library. this is
not poem enough.
not enough for me to be here, doing something.
i feel the need to overexplain. i don't need
to explain myself to myself.
things are ending and i am afraid.
html line breaks are very poetic. i will start writing
br when i write on paper.
suzanne starts her writing practice (and maybe ends?
i don't remember) with a haiku.
i've already started.
wet hair wet shoulders
descriptive haikus boring
please say something real
i don't believe that. i've read some beautiful haikus that do nothing but describe.
well maybe not nothing
but i always fall back on descriptors and
maybe that's not a bad thing but i would like
to be able to say something every once in a while.
i would like to break a bone. or two. freya
would kill me if he heard me say that. i fell asleep
thinking about it earlier. i would like to be taken care of.
i probably fell asleep thinking about it because i fell
asleep listening to him read his conference
project. that feels like a betrayal of his
art. and of his pain.
here i am overexplaining. he will not read this.
probably.
get out of my head surveillance state!
i need to read 2pac lyrics for class and
maybe i can write down the ones i find
poetic.
reading the lyrics without hearing the music is
blasphemous. i wish i had the time to treat
this art with respect.
read lots of lyrics and decide which are relevant/
which to listen to. genius is not meant to be consumed in this way.
i like lines that end with and and
i like crowdsourced information.
i don't know how long it's been but my hair is dry now.
begin listening. begin.
things freya or muldavin would say. onwards!
he should really be joshua if suzanne is suzanne. this is
the second time i've run into this problem. non-
problem.
self policing. moving the suitcase.
no one is reading this.
creating is so good for self esteem. when you create you are and
i never create outside of strict boundaries and
i am definitely still coloring in the lines right
now but at least i am nearing the edge.
listen to the damn songs bro!!
april is kindness month. this is enough/not enough/enough. breathe.
i would like this to be read (it is not being read) as
enough/not
enough/enough.
that would be cool.
"get your consequentialism on!"
(braces, genius contributor,
2010)
Kastro - Fidel Castro / Yaki Kadafi - Muammar Gaddafi /
NapoLean - Napoleon Bonaparte / EDI Mean - Idi Amin /
Hussein Fatal - Saddam Hussein / Moozaliny - Benito Mussolini
just spent two hours arguing about media bias and genocide with jane. not
a waste of time, it's good to eat with friends and talk about
things you care about. maybe a waste of time, it's
10:52 pm and
you haven't really done anything.
enough/not
enough/enough.
self defense + challenging state monopoly on violence:
"And even more alarming is the fact/That we're not fighting back"
"What do I do?/Live my life in a prison cell,/I'd rather die than be trapped in a living hell,"
"Defyin' it, envious because I will rebel against/any oppressor and this is/known as self defense,"
"They finally pull me over and I laugh,/'Remember Rodney King?' And I blast on his punk ass."
"Why is Martin Luther King in my books each week?/He told Blacks, if they get smacked, turn the other cheek."
strength of the movement:
"(Uh uh, they can't keep the Black man down)"
role/importance of writing:
"And if you look between the lines, you'll find a rhyme/As strong as a fuckin' nine,"
George Jackson:
"All you wanted to be, a soulja, a soulja/All you wanted to be, a soulja like me"
misc: (getting lazy with my headings)
"Running through our community, killing the unity/The war on drugs is a war on you and me"
not sure what i'm really gaining by
just putting lyrics with no annotations or notes.
gaining/efficiency/productivity/earn/value/profit.
antithetical to the ethos.
it has been six hours since i started this.
enough/not
enough/enough.
should not be measuring my time like this. procrasti
nation makes it hard not to.
i have done very little other than sleep recently. it is
still hard to think of writing this as an accomplishment.
accomplish/earn/worth/gaining/winning.
not trying to channel laurie halse anderson. she is
the worst.
she is not the first to use punctuation this way and she will not
be the last and it's unfortunate that that book is what sticks in my mind but
many such cases.
i want a routine
if i say i will do this
tomorrow, i won't.
